 |
| No, this guy doesn't look shady at all. |
Now, the original plan was to use this space to discuss things important to the history of Oklahoma: Bud Wilkinson, land thievery, and our little friend, smallpox. Or maybe the one thing that has made the non-football playing world pay attention to Oklahoma since its founding:
Sadly, no one ever gets to see this play, because not even The Muppets can get the lyrics right.
But there's a more important video out there. A video which can be described in many ways. Coach Kelly has this to say about the work.
Meanwhile, other critics from all around America have this to say about the spectacular video:
Stephen Paco-Rocko Elser: Oklahoma: Spelling simple words incorrectly since 1890.
Adam Mathews: soul is assimilated. Resistance is futile.
Brian Rodgers: Oklahoma: A great school for girls who want to be made uncomfortable. Seriously, how many of those girls looked comfortable with this guy?
Michael R. McDonnell: (Insert Michael O'Brien making girls feel uncomfortable joke here)
Michael O'Brien: So the moral of the video is if you harass a girl for long enough, she will eventually fit in at OU?
Adam Mathews OU: Remembering a loss in '57 to the papists, but not remembering a song needs a beat.
But what video are they speaking of? Why, Oklahoma's new recruiting masterpiece, starring THIS GUY:
 |
| Any resemblance to the Fishmen of "A Shadow Over Innsmouth" is entirely coincidental. |
Link to horrifying video footage here:
Available on this here website here:
Now, some of you may be reading this on devices that can't play video. Others may have a policy of not watching linked videos. So allow me to summarize the high points. And by high, I mean the lowest of the low: kinda
0:01: Someone let skrillex get his hands on a digeridoo. Which in addition to being against the laws of Australia, is a crime against music.
0:02: A new student at OU is stymied by the campus map, demonstrating the Oklahoma education system's inability to teach 'shapes', 'colors', and 'basic literacy'.
0:06: Blinks heavily because the leftovers from the Dust Bowl still drift lazily through the air. John Steinbeck III has a rough outline put together under the working title You Nutbars Invented Noodling?
0:08: Something Wicked This Way Comes
0:09: Wearing fingerless gloves that may have been stolen from Buffalo Bill. No no, not the Wild West man. The other Buffalo Bill.
 |
| Fun fact: Buffalo Bill would survive getting shot and go on to befriend Adrian Monk while rising to Captain's rank in the SFPD. |
0:11: Ask your torts professor for a description of his actions!
0:13: Sadly, her mother and father have abandoned her to her fate. No one is coming to save you, freshman.
0:17: This apparition decides to name check a boy band, and chooses the worst of all possible options: O-Town.
 |
| I had almost forgotten these guys existed. |
0:21: trying to escape? Futile so far. But keep trying, freshman! I heard they aren't crazy in Stillwater.
0:24: Crimson and cream? No, I don't know what you mean. Perhaps you are discussing the dining rituals of the Kenyan Masai herdsmen, drinking a mixed blood and milk beverage.
0:27: Once again, consult a torts professor.
0:30: "WTF!?"
0:33: Oh no. I'm on camera. I've made a huge mistake.
0:39: He's turning around! I can make a run for it!!!
0:42: Nope, he caught up with you.
0:45: the majestic Sooner Schooner, the totem of all things Oklahoma. Below, I have prepared a gif of Oklahoma, represented by the covered wagon, and its attempts to win a BCS game, represented by the river:
0:46: May be a wax statute stolen from the
0:49: note that by filling her arms with object, the performer has rendered her incapable of reaching into her pockets for anything useful for self-defense.
0:54: sadly, his invitation to the 2012 Sooners for one of them, any of them, to Pull His Finger went unanswered.
1:04: 'For Life': surprisingly, not this man's prison sentence. Yet.
1:12: This is why no one from Oklahoma has ever won the Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee.
1:19: The terrified freshman realizes that the man's large sunglasses render him invulnerable to pepper spray. Or the spitting cobras which roam the windswept plains of Oklahoma.
 |
| Cobras come in OU colors, dontcha know |
1:24: And the plushies showed up. Great. Juuuuust great. For a good description of plushies/furries, please consult Milwaukee Brewers' radio announcer Bob Uecker's description of a Furry Convention.
 |
| The above link features the announcer from Major League describing a convention full of people who like to have sex in stuffed-animal costumes. It is the most amazing thing you will listen to all week |
1:27: while riding in a '57 Chevy may be cool, riding in the back of a Conestoga built by a guy named Chevy in 1857 is most definitely not cool. Then again, Noodling (seriously! They got the VP-Nominee to do it!)
1:30: Once again, ask a torts prof.
1:36: We're too late. Stockholm Syndrome has set in:
1:41: Animatronic Stoops statue.
1:44: Note the gloves are gone. Possibly because they would be admissible evidence if he were caught by law enforcement.
1:53: More Skrillex. Possibly from his battle against E. Honda.
 |
| E. Honda fought the good fight against EDM. And failed. |
2:05: Thank God, that's over.
More Oklahoma material to follow tomorrow.
Backer Song of the Week:
No comments:
Post a Comment