Southern Cal Tuesday

Friends, yesterday I said I was taking the off-week off.  Well, um, 

And I stole the Leprechaun's hat.

Today, the ripping of Southern Cal up one side and down the other begins.  This first email is crucial to understanding the rivalry between Notre Dame and Southern Cal.  You see, while the four year dorm system is crucial to Notre Dame student life, the Greek system is crucial to Southern Cal student life.  In fact, during one of my visits to Southern Cal, I learned that on the crucial weekend of induction to various fraternities and sororities, said Greek organizations put on lavish parties at the close of a weekend of brotherhood, sisterhood, and victory in football.  My visit in 2007 coincided with a crucial game against Stanford.  USC was favored by 42.5 points.  Some fraternities spent 30,000 crucial dollars on party supplies for the upcoming victory celebration.  Then, um, this happened:

An unprecedented upset.  And fraternities left holding the bag on $30,000 of crucial party goods on a night when everyone wanted to just curl up in a corner and die.  I was ecstatic.

  But the fraternities eventually moved on with their lives.  Especially the Kappa Sigmas, crucial to Southern Cal greek life.  They put forth This guide to treating women as targets.  One member took it one step farther by engaging his target at 12 o'clock high.  My, what wonderful visitors we have to look forward to on the upcoming crucial game weekend!

  Of course, we might also be graced by the crucial presence of Teague Egan.  America's first student sports agent, who nearly brought another boatload of sanctions crashing down on a program which is crucial to Southern Cal's identity.  He wanted to represent every USC kid going into the NFL.  Especially his fraternity brothers who were fond participants in, and recipients of, his largesse.  The hardworking son of a rental car company magnate, he is humble with his wealth, as seen in his campus cribs video.

 available here

  But don't worry: after this video aired the NFL revoked the crucial agent certificate, and his grand plan is now in ashes.